No More Normal Life
What's wrong with being boring and normal?
I don’t know why, but this generation in which we’ve been raised seems to think we all have to strive to have an above average life.
This is part one of a two-parter on why we should be worried about the problem with a normal life.
It might start at school where success is judged based on the percentage of its pupils that end up in Oxbridge.
Or the schools being set an impossible goal of all being above average. Or those that are marked down because they have one child going through a difficult time dragging their scores down.
It might be the TV we’ve been raised on like X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent. The idea that you just need someone to spot your unique talent and discover you.
It might be the constant craving for validation to stand out amongst peers in an environment that has been moulded into a hyper competitive economic and employment challenge.
It might be social media, and the myth that anyone could have the life of an influencer, and is responsible for creating content at that level multiple times a day.
It might be the scale of the challenge faced by future generations to get this planet and civilisation back on track.
I’ve never understood why we’re so obsessed with this idea of “potential”. But I think it’s a dangerous message to keep parroting to people already feeling pretty overwhelmed.
The Boring Good Life
So much data, research, and evidence would suggest that the happiest life is a life in which we spend more time with our boring family, doing boring things like going for a boring walk in boring nature.
But unless we can put these things on Instagram or on the bottom of our CV as one of our passions as the thing that sets us apart, it seems to not have a competitive edge or angle.
We need this explicit validation to justify our behaviour.
There are no £multimillion billboard campaigns advertising the idea of going for a walk in your local park. There’s no social media clout that comes from spending time with your Nan.
I recently had a friend ask what he is doing with his life, when he already has everything.
It’s like we have this guilt that unless we are striving or pushing, or forcing ourselves to do more and more and more then we’re wasting our potential or we are letting people down. That we’re being lazy or not doing what we ought to do.
It’s exhausting, and I wonder if this is why there’s such a trend of quiet quitting, and of people looking back to Covid lockdowns with fond memories.
Maybe it helps to explain how people who give it all up to live in a van can gain 10,000 Instagram followers overnight and maybe why too.
I think it comes from this craving for simplicity, when we don’t realise that we’re all hooked on this invisible habit.
Chaos Reigns
Nothing is simple right now. There are no good guys and bad guys, or correct answers to how to do things.
Who stands up for a normal life? Who tells that story of its importance? I don’t know.
I remember in my early twenties, realising that our generation was always going to have a problem.
Many of us were fortunate to have seen our parents generation get to a point where they have the house, the garden, two cars, but they still don’t feel fulfilled.
And many born after 1980 have less chance of achieving that level of comfort either way.
If you graduated into a £25,000 job in 2003 that same job should start at £44,000 today.
The average house price in 2003 was £92,000 in Wales, £134,000 in England. So around 5x salary would get you an average house.
But we don’t have an economy that can tolerate this, despite the fact that the same average house now costs £213,000 in Wales and £288,000 in England.
(Minor point, but this indicates that Welsh average prices are at least catching up with England, 68% in 2003 vs 74% in 2023).
Even a boring normal life is an impossible milestone.
Fix This Mess
Beyond the financial realities, there’s a broader sense that kids of the future have unbearable pressure on them to do something with their talents.
People who are doing good, honest work who feel like there should be more.
Maybe there is more.
Maybe we do need to have this constant desire to strive to do something with our lives to achieve our potential.
Maybe now more than ever when we have environmental and social crisis all around us, and there is a sense that it is on younger generations to fix the mess made by older generations.
It may not be solely made by all of the previous generations, and not necessarily knowingly, but there are plenty of people who have benefited from the negligence that has put us in this current mess.
We need strivers and we need to sense ambition and hope, but more likely we need more people to know when they’ve done a good day at work.
I can’t believe that people can’t feel value for the role they play in society and on the services that we rely on them for and by committing their lives to these causes. That they can’t have the benefit of a secure life in their own home, a safe home that they love, near loved ones.
Instead, we seem to have people who feel a sense of guilt because they cannot afford to take their foot off the pedal for even a heartbeat. Maybe that’s right for vital, normal people doing vital, normal jobs and living vital, normal lives.
To feel like they have to be superhuman to do the bare minimum is not right.
Maybe this is why younger people (and women - but that’s a deeper post) are at higher risk of burnout than any generation before.
We measure productivity gains as if it’s the best way to assess the success of our nation, but what happens if there’s a ceiling to that growth? And what if we’ve been banging our heads against that ceiling for so long that it explains the increase in migraine sufferers and other autoimmune disorders?
Part two comes next week, including the merit myth, importance of the Goddess Arete, and why I hate when people talk about bootstrapping a start-up.
Thanks for the love for the last post.
The Sunday I published it was the busiest for traffic since I started the Good Founder.
It’s nice to know I can go a bit broader and still strike a chord.
Thanks again 🙏
Hi Gareth. As you know, I am someone who is in the later stages of my career, though you've known me since I was still trying to make a mark as a younger man and looking for 'validation'!
Is there such a thing as a normal life? My experience leads me to believe that one of the greatest dangers lies in comparing yourself to others. Once we realise that we are all on different journeys in life, we can value the benefit of living in an ordinary way.
What I mean is that we all meet amazing people from all walks of life. Some posh. Some not. Some big characters. Some more introverted. Some financially successful and definitely some who are not!
I have come to the view that to forge a career in 2023 can be really hard for those starting out and starting up. Nigh on impossible for some despite working really long hours. Is there a magic ingredient? Probably not. Though I do think enthusiasm and caring about your colleagues / clients is important.
One of our MDs here at Resource says the secret is to "Give a f@ck and don't worry about the salary - that will come". Not bad advice really.
An anecdote: I recall that in 1997 when I was in the catering & hospitality phase of my career with Glamorgan Cricket, I was asked if I would cater for a Christening in Ferndale Leisure Centre on a Summer Sunday. I agreed to because the person asking was a great supporter of the Club.
So come the day, we had finished about 7pm after an early start - knackered but our client was really chuffed. Having packed the van, we began the weary drive back to Sophia Gardens, Glammy's HQ. The sun was till shining, and as we drove back down the valley, I was stunned to see dozens of people with their respective sofas and arm chairs on the pavement outside their terraced homes, drinking their beers and enjoying life to the max. You could see that they were squeezing the juice out of life.
I said to my colleague in the passenger seat "Have you ever seen a bunch of people happier than that?". We both knew the answer. It was life stripped down to its most basic. And those friends and neighbours in the heart of the Rhondda valley knew the value of authentic, honest relationships, regardless of the wealth, or lack of it around them.
A good lesson for me to learn at that time in my life.